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How To Talk About Money
Preventing and overcoming money problems takes honest and open
communication. It also takes some time and effort. Talking about money is
hard. It means more than just discussing the amount of income, who's
spending what, and how much things cost.
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Think about money--what does it mean to you? To some it means power. To
others it may mean security or status. Take some time and find out just
what you and your spouse think about money.
Included with this lesson is a worksheet called
"Let's Talk about Money." Use it to get your discussions started. Don't
wait until a problem occurs, try to talk on a regular basis.
Also choose a place where you
won't be interrupted. Here are some other tips to follow:
- People in general, are more supportive of decisions when they have
been involved by giving some input. Try taking the democratic approach;
Include all family members, even children, in helping make decisions
about money as a team. Let everyone have a chance to express their
opinion. You will find that family members are more likely to be
satisfied if they helped in making the decision.
- Clearly identify the issue or concern. Just what is the problem?
None of us are immune to problems. Some families may just have more or
different ones. Is the problem spending too much money, spending at the
wrong time, or spending on unnecessary or unimportant items? Financial
problems are made more serious by certain addictive behaviors (ex:
drugs, alcohol, gambling etc.) If you suspect this might be the cause of
the problem, please seek help from a localcounseling / mental health
center or from a qualified professional. It is imperative that you start
working to solve these kinds of problems as you also work on your
financial ones.
- Every family member should state his or her feelings, wants and
needs freely. Others should not judge or criticize. Talk about the
present. Try using "I" messages instead ofsaying "you always" or "you
never." For example:" I get really upset when I find the gas tank is on
empty whenever I go to drive the car."
- Be sure to listen carefully to the other person. Let them know you
understand what they said. For example: "Dad, you seemed upset when
there was no gas in the car."
- Be willing to negotiate for a realistic settlement of differences.
Families must be ready to compromise. A verbal agreement is fine, but a
written agreement may help even more to avoid conflicts. Example: When
the gas tank gets to one quarter empty, the person driving is
responsible for filling the tank.
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